One of the biggest sticking points in sex-positive communities is that there’s a pattern of not don’t openly acknowledge the ways in which sexual intrusion, assault and trauma shape sexuality. Discussions of sex-positivity rarely include what it means to live in a world in which effectively every woman (both cis- and transgender) and many of
One of my Facebook friends posted a question recently that I think has a lot to do with sex: how do you differentiate holding non-negotiable boundaries from issuing ultimatums? This is one of those tricky questions that gets to the heart of relationships, communication, and (by extension) sex. On some level, both boundaries and ultimatums
I got a text from a guy I know about a challenge he’s facing: How do you deal with turning down a woman you’re not interested in sex with? At first, this might seem like the answer is obvious. Just say no, right? But there’s a lot more to it than that and it’s worth
One of the things that often surprises people is the fact that being queer, kinky, and poly doesn’t have to mean that someone is promiscuous. “Promiscuous” is such an interesting word. My dictionary has two definitions for it: having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships demonstrating or implying an undiscriminating or unselective approach; indiscriminate
Talking about sexually transmitted infections can be tricky. Most of the time, sex educators focus on how to have the conversation before you have sex. Reid Mihalko’s safer sex elevator pitch is a really good format for that: Reid’s Safer Sex Elevator Speech Write down your answers for each and then try it out on
The other day, I was interviewed by a reporter who asked me what I think the biggest challenge to sex in a long-term relationship is. I suspect that she was expecting me to say something like keeping the passion alive, or finding new things to try, or even that old standby, communication. But I think
The fabulous Clarisse Thorn wrote a great article in which she asks why men who are honest about their sexual desires get written off as creepy (among other things). It was originally posted on Alternet and it’s interesting to read through the comments and compare them to the comments on the Jezebel repost. This is
I’m generally in favor of anything that gets more discussion of sexual and relationship diversity into the news, but the recent allegations by Newt Gingrich’s second wife about his demand for an “open marriage” after having an affair for six years has highlighted the general confusion about what these words mean. For example, W. Bradford
One of the most common pieces of advice that you’ll ever hear about sex is “communicate with your partner(s)”. And while that sounds good, it can be difficult to follow. Almost everyone has ways in which talking about sex brings up challenges. Perhaps you don’t have the language to ask for what you want. Or
When it comes to creating a sexual connection with someone, one of the most useful things you can do is play the long game. That means that rather than only focusing on what can happen tonight or right now, you lay the foundation for the future. Of course, there’s still plenty of possibility for a
