Sexological Bodywork FAQ

What’s the difference between sexological bodywork, sex therapy, and sex surrogacy?

What does a typical first session look like?

Do I have to do anything I don’t want to do?

What outcomes can I expect?

What kinds of people do you work with?

What kinds of sessions do you offer?

What does a partner session look like?

What about confidentiality?

What gloves and oil do you use?

Is this licensed?

What do sessions cost? Do you offer refunds?

How do I book a session? Can I book a single session?

Where can I learn more about sexological bodywork?

What’s the difference between sexological bodywork, sex therapy, and sex surrogacy?

Sex therapy is pretty much like other kinds of work with a therapist, but the focus is on whatever concerns or questions you have about sexuality. Sex therapists are more trained to work with these issues than most other therapists, but the nature of the experience is similar- you talk with your therapist to work through whatever comes up. The therapist might suggest things to try at home and talk about next time, but experiential learning does not take place during the sessions.

Sex surrogacy takes a slightly different approach. A certified surrogate works with a therapist to help clients build their awareness of and skills with physical and emotional intimacy. The surrogate and the therapist develop a plan and series of practices to support the psychotherapeutic goals that will best serve the client. The purpose of sex surrogacy is therapeutic, although of course, learning is a big part of that.

Sexological bodywork is quite distinct from sex therapy and surrogacy because the intention is to help you learn about your sexuality, rather than on achieving psychotherapeutic goals. It’s the difference between education and therapy. Of course, sexological bodywork can support healing around sexual concerns, and many of my clients find that this approach helps them move more quickly through that process. However, it is not a substitute for therapy. For some people, it complements their work with a therapist.

Sex therapy, whether it includes working with a surrogate or not, gives attention to the past in order to help you heal from it. Sexological bodywork brings attention to your current sexual situation so that you can build the skills to meet your goals. It’s similar to coaching, because the focus is on getting you from where you are to where you want to be, rather than unpacking how you got here.

Back to top of page

What does a typical first session look like?

Sexological bodywork is an amazing experience, but it’s not the right fit for everyone. So before you come to see me, we’ll schedule a 30 minute phone call so we can talk about whatever is going on for you and how I can be of service to you. If we both decide that sexological bodywork with me would be useful, we’ll plan our first session and I’ll send you an intake form. If I’m not the right practitioner for you or if another approach would be more useful for you, I’ll offer suggestions for alternatives. My goal is to help you get the support and learning you need, whether that’s with me or not.

The first session is our opportunity to get to know each other in person and to start building the container that we’ll work in. We’ll explore a few somatic exercises around consent, communication, and boundaries which will help us create our working relationship. Usually, there is no sexual touch during this session and you’ll remain fully clothed. It’s important to take the time to establish our connection and create the safety that allows for exploration. While some people want to dive right in immediately, I’ve found that we usually get there faster by slowing down. Once we’ve established our working connection, we can move at the pace that feels right for you.

It all comes down to what your situation is and what would be of most service to you, and it’s possible to include more direct touch during your initial session. If that’s something you specifically want, please be sure to tell me about that during our Get Acquainted phone call so we can talk about your goals and how I can best help you meet them.

Back to top of page

Do I have to do anything I don’t want to do?

No. Not ever.

I like to think of this work as taking a road trip. You’re driving the car and you decide how fast we go and where we’re headed. I’ll make sure we stay on course and offer suggestions for things to explore, but ultimately, you’re the one in charge. That means that I depend on you to be an active participant in this process.

At the start of each session, we’ll talk about the goals for our time together and discuss how we’ll work towards them. We’ll only do the work that you actively say yes to, and you can change any part of your yes to a no at any time. If there’s something that you say no to at the beginning, it will be a no for the rest of that session. We sometimes have the impulse to change our minds partway through an experience, and while that can often work out well, it can also lead to regret or discomfort later on. I want to make sure that doesn’t happen, so your no will stay a no for that session. There’s always an opportunity to explore it in the future. Of course, there are also maybes. You might not know how something will feel until we move towards it. Part of making sure that a maybe has become a yes is checking in before proceeding.

As an educational process, sexological bodywork is most effective when we’re following the ever-changing learning edge. As you develop new skills, your comfort zone expands and we need to stretch in order to keep learning. You are in control of that process and you set the pace.

Back to top of page

What outcomes can I expect?

Sexological bodywork can help you be more present in your body, experience more pleasure, tune into your authentic sexual desires, and be more embodied during sex. Learning how to state your needs and desires without shame or guilt can make your sexual relationships more passionate, more fulfilling, and far more satisfying.

Back to top of page

What kinds of people do you work with?

I work with people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures. I believe that everyone deserves pleasure and sexual well-being, and I invite you to discover your fullest erotic potential.

My most satisfying sessions are with people who are engaged in their personal journey of growth and sexual exploration. They often have some experience exploring their sexuality and are aware of how sex connects with the rest of their lives. Some people have specific questions or concerns they want to look at, while others are curious to discover what comes up as they increase their abilities to build and contain pleasure.

All of my clients are adults (at least 18 years old). If you are looking for sex education for a minor, please visit Scarleteen.

Back to top of page

What kinds of sessions do you offer?

Sexological bodywork uses breath, movement, sound, and touch to help you expand your capacity for embodied pleasure. I offer several different modalities that are designed to help you tune into your experience and discover new freedom in your body, expand your pleasure, and release old patterns that no longer serve you. Touch is one-way, from me to you, and I will always remain fully clothed.

Back to top of page

What does a partner session look like?

I enjoy working with couples of any gender combination to help them build the sexual and relationship skills that can make sex easier and more pleasurable. Partner sessions usually focus on specific sexual touch practices. These skills are often learned best by coach each of you through the different steps, which allows each partner to drop into the learning experience without worrying about taking care of the other.

As one of the authors of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, I especially enjoy helping couples of any gender combination discover the fun of anal play and prostate pleasure. A lot of people have had unenjoyable experiences with anal sex, often because they were too rushed, or they didn’t know how to make it pleasurable. If you’re curious about anal sex, if you’ve tried it and had it not work, or if you’d like to learn new ways to make it feel amazing, let’s talk about how we can make that happen. I can teach you about anal play, toys, pegging and anal intercourse, safety, positions, and much more.

Back to top of page

What about confidentiality?

I will always respect your privacy and I will not disclose any information about you, including the fact that we are working together. If I need support advice from a colleague in order to best serve you, I will only share the relevant information with them and I will not disclose any identifying information.

You are welcome to share anything about your experience of sexological bodywork with anyone you choose. I encourage you to talk about it with your support network as part of your journey.

Back to top of page

What gloves and oil do you use?

I use nitrile gloves and my preferred oil for bodywork is unrefined coconut oil. I also use a high-quality silicone lubricant. If there is a specific product or a lubricant that works better for you, you are more than welcome to bring it to your sessions.

Back to top of page

Is this licensed?

I am certified as a sexological bodyworker by the state of California.

Complementary healing arts such as Somatic Sex Therapy and Sexological Bodywork do not require licensing by the state of California. This is not  psychotherapy or medical treatment, and I do not offer psychological or medical diagnosis, advice, or services.

Back to top of page

How much do sessions cost? Do you offer refunds?

A 90 minute session is $250 and a two-hour session is $300. You can also purchase six 90 minute sessions for $1250 (a savings of $250) or six two-hour sessions for $1500 (a savings of $300). I offer some sliding scale sessions, so please get in touch to find out my current availability.

Payment is due at the beginning of each session.

I want you to feel confident that I can help you expand your capacity for pleasure. After the first session, if you decide that working with me isn’t the right choice for you, I will refund your entire payment. If you purchase a six-session package and decide that sexological bodywork with me isn’t working for you, I will refund the prorated cost of the unused sessions.

Back to top of page

How do I book a session? Can I book a single session?

When you’re ready to explore sexological bodywork, please contact me here.

Sexological bodywork is an investment in your sexual well-being and most people find that it takes more than one session to get the benefit. I also understand that it can be important to make sure that this is a path that will take you where you want to go.

Before we schedule a first session, we’ll have a 30 minute phone call to talk about your situation and how I can be of service to you. I’ll also send you an intake form so you can share more information with me. This allows us to start the conversation about the work and whether it’s a good match for you. If we both agree that sexological bodywork could be useful for you, we’ll arrange an intake session. If this isn’t the right course for you, I’ll do my best to suggest other resources.

Back to top of page

Where can I learn more about sexological bodywork?

You can learn about sexological bodywork and find listings of other practitioners at these websites:

Sexological Bodywork

The Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers

What is Sexological Bodywork? (video)

Back to top of page