Threesomes, Feelings, and Triggers

Here’s a question I got in my inbox: I am a guy in a polyamorous relationship with a woman who is rather more experienced than I am in the poly world, and in terms of threesomes, group sex, etc. We’re planning on having a threesome soon, and potentially a foursome with another couple. I know

The Difference Between Compassion and Codependency

All relationships are going to have friction and conflict. There’s no way to avoid that. But one of the ways that relationships get stuck is when we try to avoid the disagreements and conflicts. It happens all the time: “I don’t want to say anything and make my partner angry.” “It’s not a big deal.

Hold Tight Gently

The title of this post comes from the book Hold Tight Gently: Michael Callen, Essex Hemphill, and the Battlefield of AIDS. One of the tricky skills you need to create satisfying romantic/sexual relationships is being able to balance the need for connection and the need for individuality. Each of them is essential, though every person

Somatic Sexual Healing: A Workshop for Clinicians

One of the things I’ve learned as a sexuality educator and coach is that it’s really easy to spend a lot of time talking about sex, pleasure, consent, and communication without actually changing anything. You can say something like, “It’s important to tell your partner when they do something you don’t enjoy,” but let’s be

Calling In

I have something I need to admit to you. I make mistakes. Yes, I know that’s hardly a revelation. After all, everyone does. But it’s something I need to start with because when I make mistakes, I want you to be called in. Defining Calling In You’re probably familiar with the concept of being “called

Compliance, Consent, and Sexual Empowerment

Do you want to know the key to sexual empowerment? It’s learning to step out of compliance and into consent. The Roots of Sexual Compliance The reason that sexual compliance is such a challenge for almost everyone is that compliance is woven into us from our very beginnings. When we’re infants, people need to do

Consent Accidents and Consent Violations

I was at a discussion group recently and someone shared a term that I hadn’t heard before: consent accidents. This is a really valuable nuance in the ongoing conversations about consent and nurturance culture because it recognizes that there’s a difference between a consent violation and a consent accident. A consent violation happens when someone

How to Get Freaky Without Being Creepy

One of the most common questions I hear is: how do I tell someone I’m into them without coming across as creepy. It’s a real big fear for a lot of people, especially men. Expressing desire without being pushy seems like an impossible task. What is Creepy? One thing that makes this difficult is that

Toronto Workshops with Charlie Glickman

Hey Toronto! I’ll be coming your way soon and I’d love to see you at my workshops. Here’s all the info in one easy to find place! Awesome Anal Sex Thursday, April 28, 7-10pm Theatre for Health 853 Bloor Street West, Basement Studio (one block east of Ossington subway) $30 in advance, $40 at the

How to Compliment a Woman

Giving a really good compliment is a powerful skill that can help you create a passionate, amazing relationship. And while I 100% believe that it’s a useful talent, regardless of the gender of the person you’re giving it to, it’s even more important when you’re talking with a woman. There are lots of reasons for

Join Me for the Men’s Sexual Satisfaction Summit

There are a lot of reasons why men struggle with sexual satisfaction. We get a lot of confusing and contradictory messages. We face outmoded definitions of masculinity that focus on “get it up, get it in, get it off” and assume that satisfaction equals performance rather than pleasure. We don’t learn how to state our

When Is “I Feel Unsafe” A Weapon?

Do you want to know one of the most subtle and easiest ways to manipulate a partner? Tell them, “That thing you do makes me feel unsafe and you need to stop it.” Don’t get me wrong- I definitely want you to be able to let your lover/sweetie/partner/spouse know when they do something that doesn’t