How to Make A Sexual Fantasy Come True

I talk with a lot of people about their sexual desires and the things they want to try. One of the questions that they sometimes ask is “how do I make this sexual fantasy come true?” I find that there’s actually more to that than you might think. Most fantasies aren’t just about the physical

Three Reasons to Not Process Over Email or Text

Like most folks, I do a lot of my communication over email or text messages. In many situations, it’s simpler to send a message whenever it’s convenient and let the other person respond when they can. If you’re sharing information or talking about easy topics, email and text messages work great. But what happens when

Join Me in Texas for Three Fun Workshops!

Join Me in Texas for Three Fun Workshops! I’m headed to Dallas and Austin next month for three workshops with the Southwest Sexual Health Alliance. I love bringing sex-positive, inclusive education to new communities and I’m thrilled to see the SSHA growing! Organizations like the SSHA are bringing sex-positivity to more and more cities, helping

Pleasure Mapping: An Easy and Effective Way to Create Amazing Sex

There’s a question you can ask during sex that can lead to a communication trainwreck, despite your best intentions. “What do you like?” On the surface, it seems like a great way to find out what brings a smile to your partner’s face and show consideration for their preferences and needs. And in some situations,

Emotional Flooding

One of the biggest relationship challenges that people struggle with is emotional flooding. It’s something that happens to everyone sometimes, and if you don’t know how to respond to it, it can escalate conflict and create disconnection. Fortunately, many of the steps you can take to resolve it are pretty simple. Not necessarily easy, but

Support Exhale and Pro-Voice!

1 in 3 cisgender women in the US will have an abortion at some point in their lifetime. For such a widely-shared experience, the stigma associated with it keeps most people silent about it. Instead, we get polarized political fights that don’t leave much room for individual stories. That comes from both sides of the

An Amazing Tool To Make Emotions Easier To Talk About

Let’s start by acknowledging one thing. Talking about emotions can be hard. It takes practice to be able to tune into them, to describe them in ways that other people can understand, to listen to them and figure out what they need, and to hold onto the complexity of multiple simultaneous (and sometimes, contradictory) feelings.

Dealing with a Shameover

Have you ever woken up the morning after an amazing night and just felt terrible? Maybe you felt emotionally tender or raw. Maybe it seemed like everything was just a little bit off. Or maybe you were irritable, cranky, or withdrawn. However it showed up for you, there’s a chance that you were dealing with

Threesomes, Feelings, and Triggers

Here’s a question I got in my inbox: I am a guy in a polyamorous relationship with a woman who is rather more experienced than I am in the poly world, and in terms of threesomes, group sex, etc. We’re planning on having a threesome soon, and potentially a foursome with another couple. I know

The Difference Between Compassion and Codependency

All relationships are going to have friction and conflict. There’s no way to avoid that. But one of the ways that relationships get stuck is when we try to avoid the disagreements and conflicts. It happens all the time: “I don’t want to say anything and make my partner angry.” “It’s not a big deal.

Hold Tight Gently

The title of this post comes from the book Hold Tight Gently: Michael Callen, Essex Hemphill, and the Battlefield of AIDS. One of the tricky skills you need to create satisfying romantic/sexual relationships is being able to balance the need for connection and the need for individuality. Each of them is essential, though every person

Somatic Sexual Healing: A Workshop for Clinicians

One of the things I’ve learned as a sexuality educator and coach is that it’s really easy to spend a lot of time talking about sex, pleasure, consent, and communication without actually changing anything. You can say something like, “It’s important to tell your partner when they do something you don’t enjoy,” but let’s be