How To Disclose A Possible STI Exposure

Talking about sexually transmitted infections can be tricky. Most of the time, sex educators focus on how to have the conversation before you have sex. Reid Mihalko’s safer sex elevator pitch is a really good format for that: Reid’s Safer Sex Elevator Speech Write down your answers for each and then try it out on

Using Your Words, Offering Appreciation

Ever since my post about resentment, I’ve been thinking a lot about why so many people allow resentments to build and what we can do to avoid them. And it seems to me that one of the easiest things we can do is to tell the people in our lives what we appreciate about them.

Resentment: The Biggest Relationship Killer

The other day, I was interviewed by a reporter who asked me what I think the biggest challenge to sex in a long-term relationship is. I suspect that she was expecting me to say something like keeping the passion alive, or finding new things to try, or even that old standby, communication. But I think

If You Want To Understand Relationships, You Need To Understand Shame

When I first became a sex educator, I figured I’d be learning a lot about relationships. Over time, I discovered that helping people explore sexuality also meant that I learned a lot about shame. So much so, in fact, that I went back to school and started learning about the interplay between sex & shame.

Sex Tips For Men: How to Ask For Sex

The fabulous Clarisse Thorn wrote a great article in which she asks why men who are honest about their sexual desires get written off as creepy (among other things). It was originally posted on Alternet and it’s interesting to read through the comments and compare them to the comments on the Jezebel repost. This is

Confessions of a Former Sensitive New Age Guy

I have a confession to make. Once upon a time, I was a Sensitive New Age Guy. I suppose I should explain what I mean. As I’ve written in other posts, I’ve always been rather dainty. And in my struggles with the Act Like a Man Box, there were several years where, rather than rejecting

Open Relationships, Infidelity, and Cheating

I’m generally in favor of anything that gets more discussion of sexual and relationship diversity into the news, but the recent allegations by Newt Gingrich’s second wife about his demand for an “open marriage” after having an affair for six years has highlighted the general confusion about what these words mean. For example, W. Bradford

Five Things Men Can Do To Not Be Creepy

I’ve been following a lot of the conversations in various circles about creeps, both online and in various communities I move through, and I’m really glad that this topic is getting more traction. I know that it’s a tough thing to bring up, for a variety of reasons, but until something gets brought into the

Dealing With Differences In Desire

Here’s a question that came my way that I think a lot of people will resonate with. My partner (male) and I (female) have mismatched libidos and this has been very hard for both of us because of the cultural garbage that we are fed about the different roles of men and women in sexual

Four Things You Can Do To Be Awesome

I know a lot of awesome people. And I’ve noticed that although they are all really different, there are some patterns among them. I think the world will be a much better place when there are even more awesome folks, so here are some things we can each do to make that happen. Surround Yourself

Efficient Hedonism

I’m a big fan of efficient hedonism. Let me tell you what that means. I once read a story about an 80-year-old judo master who had been studying martial arts ever since he was a child. He said that when he was younger, he could have less-than-perfect form and make up for it with strength

Calibrate Your Relationships

One of the things I’ve noticed is that a lot of people seem to think that if they could just figure out the perfect setup, or find the right communication patterns, or create the ideal situation, their relationships would be stable. In fact, I used to believe that myself. And I eventually came to see