Compliance, Consent, and Sexual Empowerment

Do you want to know the key to sexual empowerment? It’s learning to step out of compliance and into consent. The Roots of Sexual Compliance The reason that sexual compliance is such a challenge for almost everyone is that compliance is woven into us from our very beginnings. When we’re infants, people need to do

Being Bold

I get a lot of questions from men who want to be able to approach women and aren’t sure how to do it. Whether they’re interested in socializing, dating, or a sexual connection (not that those are mutually exclusive), there are plenty of guys who would like to do engage with women without being creepy,

The Performance of Masculinity

I’ve been teaching workshops on male gender socialization for about 15 years or so. The foundation of my presentation is the Act Like a Man Box, which I learned about from Paul Kivel’s book, Men’s Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart. I like calling it the “Act Like a Man

If You Don’t Respect Sluts, You Don’t Respect Women

In all of the discussion and debate about women’s sexuality: if you don’t respect sluts, you don’t respect women. There have been other articles, like Yasmin Nair’s In Defense of Sluts, that touch on this. As she said, The widespread support for Fluke is built entirely on the idea that she is not a slut

When Men Say No To Sex

I got a text from a guy I know about a challenge he’s facing: How do you deal with turning down a woman you’re not interested in sex with? At first, this might seem like the answer is obvious. Just say no, right? But there’s a lot more to it than that and it’s worth

Sex Tips For Men: How to Ask For Sex

The fabulous Clarisse Thorn wrote a great article in which she asks why men who are honest about their sexual desires get written off as creepy (among other things). It was originally posted on Alternet and it’s interesting to read through the comments and compare them to the comments on the Jezebel repost. This is

Confessions of a Former Sensitive New Age Guy

I have a confession to make. Once upon a time, I was a Sensitive New Age Guy. I suppose I should explain what I mean. As I’ve written in other posts, I’ve always been rather dainty. And in my struggles with the Act Like a Man Box, there were several years where, rather than rejecting

Five Things Men Can Do To Not Be Creepy

I’ve been following a lot of the conversations in various circles about creeps, both online and in various communities I move through, and I’m really glad that this topic is getting more traction. I know that it’s a tough thing to bring up, for a variety of reasons, but until something gets brought into the