Let’s start by acknowledging one thing. Talking about emotions can be hard. It takes practice to be able to tune into them, to describe them in ways that other people can understand, to listen to them and figure out what they need, and to hold onto the complexity of multiple simultaneous (and sometimes, contradictory) feelings.
Have you ever woken up the morning after an amazing night and just felt terrible? Maybe you felt emotionally tender or raw. Maybe it seemed like everything was just a little bit off. Or maybe you were irritable, cranky, or withdrawn. However it showed up for you, there’s a chance that you were dealing with
Here’s a question I got in my inbox: I am a guy in a polyamorous relationship with a woman who is rather more experienced than I am in the poly world, and in terms of threesomes, group sex, etc. We’re planning on having a threesome soon, and potentially a foursome with another couple. I know
All relationships are going to have friction and conflict. There’s no way to avoid that. But one of the ways that relationships get stuck is when we try to avoid the disagreements and conflicts. It happens all the time: “I don’t want to say anything and make my partner angry.” “It’s not a big deal.
The title of this post comes from the book Hold Tight Gently: Michael Callen, Essex Hemphill, and the Battlefield of AIDS. One of the tricky skills you need to create satisfying romantic/sexual relationships is being able to balance the need for connection and the need for individuality. Each of them is essential, though every person
One of the things I’ve learned as a sexuality educator and coach is that it’s really easy to spend a lot of time talking about sex, pleasure, consent, and communication without actually changing anything. You can say something like, “It’s important to tell your partner when they do something you don’t enjoy,” but let’s be
I have something I need to admit to you. I make mistakes. Yes, I know that’s hardly a revelation. After all, everyone does. But it’s something I need to start with because when I make mistakes, I want to be called in. Defining Calling In You’re probably familiar with the concept of being “called out.”
Do you want to know the key to sexual empowerment? It’s learning to step out of compliance and into consent. The Roots of Sexual Compliance The reason that sexual compliance is such a challenge for almost everyone is that compliance is woven into us from our very beginnings. When we’re infants, people need to do
One of the most common questions I hear is: how do I tell someone I’m into them without coming across as creepy. It’s a real big fear for a lot of people, especially men. Expressing desire without being pushy seems like an impossible task. What is Creepy? One thing that makes this difficult is that
Giving a really good compliment is a powerful skill that can help you create a passionate, amazing relationship. And while I 100% believe that it’s a useful talent, regardless of the gender of the person you’re giving it to, it’s even more important when you’re talking with a woman. There are lots of reasons for
There are a lot of reasons why men struggle with sexual satisfaction. We get a lot of confusing and contradictory messages. We face outmoded definitions of masculinity that focus on “get it up, get it in, get it off” and assume that satisfaction equals performance rather than pleasure. We don’t learn how to state our
Update: I wrote this in December 2015. In April 2019, I wrote this post to explore how my thinking on this topic has changed. Do you want to know one of the most subtle and easiest ways to manipulate a partner? Tell them, “That thing you do makes me feel unsafe and you need to