Here's a question that showed up in my in-box today:
Sometimes, when my boyfriend and I have anal sex, it's really fun. But other times, it just doesn't work. That doesn't happen when we have regular intercourse. What are we doing wrong?
It's sort of hard to give you a specific answer since there are lots of…
Did you know that August is Anal Sex Month?
Of course, you don't need to wait until then to explore anal pleasure. But if you've been curious about it or if you've tried it and had it not work, this is a great time to get the tips you need to make it hot, safe, and…
It probably won't surprise you to hear that I love anal sex. After all, I'm one of the authors of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, and I teach lots of workshops about anal play, prostate massage, and related topics. Of course, that's not all I do, but given how many people fantasize about anal…
There are lots of things we can do to make the world a better place. We can reduce our consumption of irreplaceable resources, we can develop our capacity to bring compassion to our relationships, we can support people in crisis or need- there’s plenty to be done. And there’s one thing that I think has…
I talk with a lot of people about their sexual desires and the things they want to try. One of the questions that they sometimes ask is "how do I make this sexual fantasy come true?" I find that there's actually more to that than you might think. Most fantasies aren't just about the physical…
There's a question you can ask during sex that can lead to a communication trainwreck, despite your best intentions.
"What do you like?"
On the surface, it seems like a great way to find out what brings a smile to your partner's face and show consideration for their preferences and needs. And in some situations, it works…
Do you want to know the key to sexual empowerment? It's learning to step out of compliance and into consent.
The Roots of Sexual Compliance
The reason that sexual compliance is such a challenge for almost everyone is that compliance is woven into us from our very beginnings. When we're infants, people need to do things…
So here's a great question someone sent me:
I have a question... or opinion from you please and thanks. If a person doesn't indulge in sexual intercourse with a partner are they abstinent or celibate? And are they either if they penetrate themselves with a toy? Lastly, if they only use a bullet without penetration is…
I know I talk about anal play a lot. It's one of my favorite kinds of sex, and ever since I co-wrote The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, I've been fielding lots of questions from folks of all genders who want to make it more fun. But that's not what I want to focus on…
One of the more common reasons people find it difficult to experience pleasure, build connection and intimacy, or enjoy sex is that they don't know how to slow down. In this ever-faster, multi-tasking, get-it-done-now, over-scheduled world, it's easy to get spun up and hard to calm down. When you're chronically wound up, sex often disappears…
Have you ever noticed how often people talk about sex in terms of the "active partner" and the "passive partner?" It's a fascinating euphemism, and of course, what they're referring to is who's giving and receiving penetration. But separate from the fact that sex doesn't have to mean penetration, I don't see any reason to…
Let me ask you a question that you probably have never been asked before. How does your ass feel, right now?
I'm not asking about your butt cheeks, or your hips, or your glutes. I mean- what are you feeling in your anus?
There's a reason I invite you to think about this. Most people hold a…
What's the difference between somatic sex education, sex therapy, and sex surrogacy?
What does a typical first session look like?
Do I have to do anything I don't want to do?
What outcomes can I expect?
What kinds of people do you work with?
What kinds of sessions do you offer?
What does a partner session look like?
What about confidentiality?
What gloves…
If you have questions about what somatic sex coaching can offer you, please read my FAQ or contact me.
Feel free to answer these questions in as much detail as you choose, and skip any of them that aren't relevant to you. If you would rather share any information with me during our Get Acquainted call,…
One of the biggest sticking points in sex-positive communities is that there's a pattern of not don't openly acknowledge the ways in which sexual intrusion, assault and trauma shape sexuality. Discussions of sex-positivity rarely include what it means to live in a world in which effectively every woman (both cis- and transgender) and many of…
One of the difficulties that I've faced in discussing sex-positivity with some folks is that there are two different lenses that a lot of people use when talking about these issues. Some use an entirely personal lens, as in "I like doing this thing, or I find it empowering, so that makes it OK." And…
I've been teaching workshops on male gender socialization for about 15 years or so. The foundation of my presentation is the Act Like a Man Box, which I learned about from Paul Kivel's book, Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart. I like calling it the "Act Like a Man…
I have a confession to make. Once upon a time, I was a Sensitive New Age Guy.
I suppose I should explain what I mean. As I've written in other posts, I've always been rather dainty. And in my struggles with the Act Like a Man Box, there were several years where, rather than rejecting the…
I know a lot of awesome people. And I've noticed that although they are all really different, there are some patterns among them. I think the world will be a much better place when there are even more awesome folks, so here are some things we can each do to make that happen.
Surround Yourself With…
Sex-negativity, the belief that sex is inherently bad, is one of our most deeply rooted convictions. It is so deeply intertwined with our cultural norms that is becomes difficult to even begin to explore it, much less find ways to change it. One of the more subtle ways it affects us is in the way…